Now, I knew that I probably wouldn't like the answer, but I also am big on growth. I see myself as the biggest asset I'll ever have. So I always want to figure out how I can do better. How do I grow? If it's not for you, it's for someone else. So, how do I grow? So I said, "what was it?" She said, "you really want to know?" And in my head I went, do I really want to know? I said, "yeah, tell me." So I gritted my teeth & waited.
She said, "well..." "Honestly," "You were boring." You know when you think it's going to hurt & then it just hurts so much worse. I honestly thought I was everything but...
In my head, I suddenly, was ready to argue every point. About why I wasn't boring, about why she was somehow responsible. I didn't even know why she thought that yet, but, every defensive response in my head was going off.
But I thought, you asked the question so shut up & listen. Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect, right? You asked the question so now hear the answer. So I said, "I was boring, what made you say that?" She said, "when I first met you, you were the most ambitious person I'd ever met." "I never met anybody who could set their mind to something & achieve it like you, & it was incredibly sexy." She said, "but as time went on, it was all you were." "You were just ambitious." "And you would do nothing but sit & work, sit & work." "We never grew together, we didn't have experiences together, we didn't go places, we didn't do things, we didn't grow..." She said, "it got stagnant & boring. I got bored." And she was right! I couldn't argue with that, because she was right.
But it gave me an important lesson for myself. That even though I had a very powerful quality (and everyone has a powerful quality that they pride themselves on, if you have discovered yourself. Mine is my ambition, my overachiever nature), I needed a balance. Whatever is your biggest strength can very quickly become your greatest weakness. I was the most ambitious person I knew, and at the same time to the people on the outside, the most boring. I had defensive come backs for this, like how I had bigger responsibilities than everybody else yari yari yari.
But here's what's really fun... Here's someone you really want to stay with: Ambitious, Go-getter, fun & loves life in the moment. Those things are unique but irresistibly addictive. Someone who can achieve a lot but then be like, "alright let's ball." That's hot. But someone who achieves a lot and then goes, "yeah, just go away while I achieve more." That's boring.
So I realised that I had one half of a very unique paring, but I didn't have the other half that made me someone that would have been an addiction. Most people are in this deadlock too. Balance is an achievement in its own right, I dare say in all spheres of life. Most people who think they have it don't.
Besides, I figured, life's too short. You could wake up one day realising you are old and spent all your life achieving things but never paused for a moment to take them all in and enjoy them. What would be the point of it all?
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