Playing hard to get is not gender specific, but this one is for the ladies. You’ve probably been told more than once to play hard to get when it comes to dating. You’ve probably been told that men love the chase so you shouldn’t give back too much in return.
Do you know what a chase is? It’s when you’re pursuing something that’s ACTIVELY running away from you. Men who chase women are often men who don’t understand social cues and can’t take a hint to back off, or gamers (the chase is thrilling for them). Is this the kind of guy who would make a good partner?
Here are some behaviors that people employ when playing hard to get, including:
-Acting confidently, limiting self-disclosure, and not expressing many emotions.
-Talking to people other than the intended mate, flirting with them, or even dating other people.
-Giving accidental physical contact, but offering limited physical affection and withholding sex.
-Acting sarcastic but friendly; teasing, playing games, and taunting.
-Making others work to get them and chase them.
-Acting busy, staying busy, and prioritizing other things.
-Flirting but then stopping; giving attention but then disappearing.
-Acting not attracted, disinterested, and non-responsive.
-Taking a long time to respond to calls and texts, or not responding at all.
This is but a deliberate tactics for some women, but over time the line gets blurred and tactics become you, especially in Africa. Some even think being unprokingly rude is also playing hard to get. But that's a blurred line because rude is rude; even if you are already dating (or married) or just in a bad mood, you can tell someone to 'run along' politely LOL. Not in those exact words but you catch my drift.
Furthermore, genuine, kindhearted men are looking for women who share the same qualities. NOBODY, man or woman, wants to be with someone who has the affection level of a concrete statue. I’ve an inordinate number of female friends and many of the women I talk to are looking for men who actually display emotions, communicate their feelings, and have high emotional intelligence. If these are qualities you want, these are qualities you must possess.
I will tell you right now that it’s utter bullshit that men want to chase after women, at least not the serious minded ones. Most men want to feel wanted, needed, respected and loved. There is nothing sexier than a woman who wants you as much as you want her. (Science backs this up, as well).
But how does this help me attract genuine and better men you ask?
If a guy is just playing you or playing the field in general, then that means he’s not actually looking for a serious relationship, even if he says that he is. So showing real interest in him is a great way to weed out the players from the ones who respond favorably because you actually want to be with them.
Of course this doesn’t mean that you should throw yourself at every guy, or gush your feelings all over the dinner table on the first date, but I think so many of us are holding back our feelings to protect ourselves that it’s doing more harm than good because we’re not allowing our hearts and minds to actually connect to each other. NOT PLAYING HARD TO GET IS NOT EASY TO GET, walk the fine line. Some women get so fixated on the play that they completely forget what's important and what the play was about in the first place, which is, getting a genuine man.
The trouble with building walls to keep out the wrong guys is that those same walls might also keep out the right ones.
This is the part where women say things like: “I wouldn’t want a guy who doesn’t have the confidence to pursue me, anyway.” “Treat them mean and keep them keen." Some would argue that this is the way to gauge how interested a guy is and just how much he is willing to commit to a relationship with them. They do this to figure out if he truly likes to be with them or he's just another guy who wants to get in their pants.
This isn’t about confidence. It’s about getting the wrong or twisted vibe, feeling like you don’t want him, or feeling like there is no reciprocated interest. It’s about maintaining your dignity and not facing repeated rejection from the same person.
Also consider this: A player is playing because he wants to prove a point. He wants to accomplish something by ‘getting the girl,’ so playing hard to get is just going to pose more of a challenge for him to overcome, and make him pursue you harder and tenaciously, like a carnivore after a prey. You may think this is a good thing because he’s putting in effort, but the truly good man will have already taken the hint and moved on. On the other hand, the carnivore wil catch you, devour you, and run along.
We seem to have lost our empathy and compassion for each other. Everything is a conflict between the genders and there always seems to be a winner and a loser. Whatever happened to forging teams and facing the world together? What happened to communication? Mutual interest being displayed?
Sure, it is a risk to put yourself out there and potentially get hurt – but it is far greater of a risk to suppress your emotions and never feel a real connection with another human being. Matter of fact, that is why you keep ending up with the wrong kind.
Finally, 'playing' hard to get is still playing a game, no matter how you look at it. A game is a game, and it leaves one party 'played.' And there's always a looming disaster when you put that in the same sentence with or mix that with true human feelings. Maintain your standards and boundaries, but make sure you are not depriving yourself of happiness in the process.
Note: I am not an expert in any way. These insights are based on experiences and minimal research.
-Chelsma
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